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Friday, July 5, 2013

America the beautiful and burning outhouses.

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Happy 4th of July!
Independence Day is a day to appreciate your country, a day to eat lots of foods, a day of fireworks, a day of… burning outhouses?
Wait. What?
So, I was celebrating the fourth with some friends in Rockport, near Gloucester. What is Rockport’s Fourth of July tradition?
They pile wood 25 feet high and perch an outhouse and a bra on top of it.
Then they light it on fire.
My friends Mango and Pickle fought their way through a crowd of hundreds with me to get to the front.
Have you ever opened an oven at 450 degrees and felt the heat on your face. Close your eyes and imagine that feeling- all over your body.
As the outhouse tumbled from the top of the wood pile and shot a huge fireball towards to water, I felt the ecstasy as I shouted “YEAH,” and the surrounding fraternity boys exuding Budweiser fumes shouted “USA” “USA.”
America the beautiful. All it takes to inspire patriotism is a burning pillar of crap.

Bean out.

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