Dirt caked pants and a bag of poop.

A salad and a large cup of coffee in hand, I made my way to the state park. It was a beautiful day out, 69 degrees with clear azure skies. I was taking myself out on a date.

I pulled into the gravel lot and gathered my things before heading to the pay meter. When I got there, I discovered four men and women dressed in 15^th century garb making LARPing jokes.

I’d seen the flyer. It was a local theater group performing The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer.

“There’s nothing wrong with LARPing.” One of them proclaimed.

“You’re right.” I said, smiling at their acceptance of nerd culture. “There is nothing wrong with LARPing.”

“Thank you.”

I moved on. After passing the set for the play and four horse heads on sticks (for galloping purposes, of course), I began to take in the scenery and fall into a pensive state.

I miss everyone who went to college. A lot.

Feeling a little too sorry for myself for comfort, I rambled on until I found what I was looking for: the water.

I clambered down a steep clay and root infested slope to the ideal place to relax and read; the vast expanse of an outlet to the sea was before me and several large smooth rocks lined the pebble beach, providing me a place on which to sit.

Breathe in, breathe out. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of the brackish air. When I looked at my surroundings again, I was struck with the desire to roll up my pants and walk into the water. I left my stuff one the shore and stepped slowly towards the grey-blue glass.

I anticipated the chill of the water, the embrace of the weight around my ankles pulling me in closer to the Earth’s heartbeat.

Schwoop. Thud. My jaw struck rock and my tweaked wrist held my torso slightly aloft. I lay face down, soaked from hips to toes. Waves of pain pulsed through my head. I didn’t move. I searched for some significance to my crash. There was none. It was just a combination of slippery rock and bad footing.

Having recovered from my slight trauma, I hoisted myself up with my good side and trudged back to safety. I was battered with clay and served up on a platter of embarrassment. I won’t be trying that again.

My goal was to relax until the sun fell behind the trees, and so I did, reading the lit mag of my community college until I reached a short story so overwhelming that I couldn’t read another piece after.

The sun had set and the cold was beginning to hit my core. I packed up my things and headed back the way I came, overpowered to tears by the parting of my friends, the shock of my fall, and the influence of the short story. As I reached the entrance to the park, I spotted two friends from high school approaching in the distance.

I looked down at my clothes, composed my expression, and smiled. When we met on the path, I immediately began explaining my haggard appearance.

“I fell into the river. That’s why I’m covered in dirt and soaked.”

I should also mention that I pick up litter sometimes when I see it, so I had a dirty Styrofoam plate, a mud filled Gatorade bottle, and a full bag of dog poop in the hand not holding my bag.

“And these aren't mine either. They’re litter. I’m sure I look like a crazy homeless person right now.”

“It looks like you just buried a body.”

We discussed books for Nepal, and the Canterbury players. I asked if they saw the horse heads on sticks. They said there was just a human head now. I didn't understand.

After deciding we should hang out sometime, we parted, and I walked past the pick-up truck that once had the four play horses leaned up against it. Sitting on the bed of truck was a single, Styrofoam, human head. I burst into laughter.

“No kidding.”

So the moral of this story is that you’ll never know where you’ll find adventure and comfort from solitude, and that I probably shouldn't go walking alone in a park again.

Bean’ schooled by life.

That awkward moment when... handling anxiety in a new social experience.

I recently experienced a thing known as college orientation, and my friends the same, so we've been talking about it a lot.

One thing we all know about orientation is that it can be awkward. Depending on whether or not you know anyone at your college, you may end up wandering into an unfamiliar situation Clint Eastwood style: sweaty and squinting (presumably because you’re nervous and looking so hard for a friendly face that your eyes are tearing up. Or because it’s summer. I don’t know; maybe pretending to be Clint Eastwood could help you foster confidence to befriend your fellow freshmen. Or befriend a chair.)

ANYWAYS, walking into a place where you know no one and are expected to be social and such can be a difficult and anxiety provoking experience. As an introvert, I get it. Thankfully, I’ve been provided plenty of advice over the years about how to handle these kinds of situations. This makes me an expert pseudo-extrovert. I use these techniques when I have to saddle up and be a cool kid:

         1. This is the most important piece of information that I’ve ever been given to boost my ability to handle unfamiliar experiences. Remember: in places where everyone is new, everyone is nervous to some degree. Each person will be paying more attention to their own actions than to when you awkwardly knock over your water bottle or trip on the carpet or laugh at the wrong time.

        2. If they’re not nice, they’re not worth impressing. ‘Nuff said.

        3. What’s the worst thing that will happen if you do do something weird? They’ll look at you funny and walk away? Big deal. There will always be someone to appreciate your quirks.

        4. Stand next to someone who appears to be very social and confident. If they know what they’re doing, they’ll likely strike up a conversation with you and carry the bulk of it. That way, you can make a new acquaintance and get warmed up for when you have to do the social work yourself.

       5. Wear your favorite piece of clothing or jewelry. I don’t know why it helps. It just does.

       6. Start a conversation with a compliment. Continue on by asking where they got whatever you’re complimenting. Maybe next you’ll talk about your favorite places to shop. Best towns to shop. Best shopping experiences. The natural flow of the conversation will do the rest.

     

       7. Smile. Even if it feels weird. It’s better than looking cloudy or scared. But don’t smile all the time. That would be bizarre. Just smile when you meet someone, make awkward eye contact, sit at the same table as someone, etc.

       8. Remember: I think you’re pretty cool. It has to mean something if a cartoon bean thinks you’re cool.

     

       9. Carry a drink. If you need a minute to think during a conversation lag, take a long sip and gather your thoughts.

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       10. This moment is only a very small moment in your whole existence. Don’t lay so much importance on it and you won’t be so nervous. If you pressure the situation, the situation will pressure you.

I hope someone finds this helpful.

Bean’ confident.