That awkward moment when... handling anxiety in a new social experience.

I recently experienced a thing known as college orientation, and my friends the same, so we've been talking about it a lot.

One thing we all know about orientation is that it can be awkward. Depending on whether or not you know anyone at your college, you may end up wandering into an unfamiliar situation Clint Eastwood style: sweaty and squinting (presumably because you’re nervous and looking so hard for a friendly face that your eyes are tearing up. Or because it’s summer. I don’t know; maybe pretending to be Clint Eastwood could help you foster confidence to befriend your fellow freshmen. Or befriend a chair.)

ANYWAYS, walking into a place where you know no one and are expected to be social and such can be a difficult and anxiety provoking experience. As an introvert, I get it. Thankfully, I’ve been provided plenty of advice over the years about how to handle these kinds of situations. This makes me an expert pseudo-extrovert. I use these techniques when I have to saddle up and be a cool kid:

         1. This is the most important piece of information that I’ve ever been given to boost my ability to handle unfamiliar experiences. Remember: in places where everyone is new, everyone is nervous to some degree. Each person will be paying more attention to their own actions than to when you awkwardly knock over your water bottle or trip on the carpet or laugh at the wrong time.

        2. If they’re not nice, they’re not worth impressing. ‘Nuff said.

        3. What’s the worst thing that will happen if you do do something weird? They’ll look at you funny and walk away? Big deal. There will always be someone to appreciate your quirks.

        4. Stand next to someone who appears to be very social and confident. If they know what they’re doing, they’ll likely strike up a conversation with you and carry the bulk of it. That way, you can make a new acquaintance and get warmed up for when you have to do the social work yourself.

       5. Wear your favorite piece of clothing or jewelry. I don’t know why it helps. It just does.

       6. Start a conversation with a compliment. Continue on by asking where they got whatever you’re complimenting. Maybe next you’ll talk about your favorite places to shop. Best towns to shop. Best shopping experiences. The natural flow of the conversation will do the rest.

     

       7. Smile. Even if it feels weird. It’s better than looking cloudy or scared. But don’t smile all the time. That would be bizarre. Just smile when you meet someone, make awkward eye contact, sit at the same table as someone, etc.

       8. Remember: I think you’re pretty cool. It has to mean something if a cartoon bean thinks you’re cool.

     

       9. Carry a drink. If you need a minute to think during a conversation lag, take a long sip and gather your thoughts.

1     

       10. This moment is only a very small moment in your whole existence. Don’t lay so much importance on it and you won’t be so nervous. If you pressure the situation, the situation will pressure you.

I hope someone finds this helpful.

Bean’ confident.

Judgement face.

So I finished reading Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World Version 2.0: Revised, Expanded & Updated by Jenna and Bob Torres just now. I never did find that “Vegan Freak” forum that people were talking about. However, I have concluded that these authors were definitely spreading the right message about how to communicate veganism to others in their book. Negatively impassioned endorsement of one’s beliefs is not recommended. It is stated to be counterproductive. I’d like to expound on that.

San read my last post on the blog and told me that she was surprised I had never heard of the online “vegan culture” that involved ethical vegans tagging pictures of food on Tumblr with words such as “murder” or “corpse” or “dead flesh.” While I would not necessarily disagree with these tags or wish to euphemize the issue of animal cruelty, making harsh public judgments on others using only trigger words and using these trigger words within posts not related to animal rights seems wrong to me and counterproductive.

We all have different beliefs. We all think that we’re right. Telling someone they are wrong without circumstantial and factual evidence and a clear understanding of that person’s world view will not change their mind. In fact, it may make them want to rebel against your argument further. I’ll update this later with a citation containing text evidence from a psychological study relevant research (assuming Blondie can find the sheet for me). Later the next day...

Blondie found it. The article is titled:

How facts backfire

Researchers discover a surprising threat to democracy: our brains Here's the link. Check it out: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/07/11/how_facts_backfire/

That copied and pasted a lot bigger than I expected...

Anyway, Vegan Freak is a good book to read and it provides some great advice to vegan peeps. I’m still working on finding a time to post the excerpts from The China Study along with my own summary and commentary. Presently, I’m trying to read all of my library books before I return them on Wednesday.

Bean out.

Oxymoronic.

I was going to post another "in the rain" story, but this takes precedence.

So, I am a vegan. And now I am a confused vegan. I am a confused and alone vegan who hits my six month mark in about four days. I started reading this book about Veganism called Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World Version 2.0: Revised, Expanded & Updated (dude that is a long title) by Jenna and Bob Torres. In the book, they mention a vegan freak forum. I guess the site got shut down because I can't find it. I'm also astonished because it appears that this site is (or was?) some sort of hardcore, clandestine community by invite only that had a lot of issues with judgmental members.

This really makes me sad.

We're not going to be able to help one another and convince others of our mission and morals if we're too busy making others who are trying it out feel bad about themselves. I think criticism at that level only makes people want to give up more because who wants to be part of an isolationist community that doesn't wish to accept others who are not quite at the same level of hardcoreness as they are.

Obviously, I am not blaming the forum or jumping to any conclusions (because I have no flipping idea where the forum is), and I am enjoying the book very much, but I do think it needs to be put out there that not everyone can just change what they were raised doing and eating at the drop of a hat. I recommend reading the book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. It's enlightening, and it will make anyone think twice before judging another who has trouble breaking a habit. I used to judge people about stuff like that too, so now I really understand both sides of being a habit-breaker and being someone judgmental of people who cannot break habits.

 Anyway, back to the forum. Does anyone know where this thing went? Also, it'd be interesting to hear both sides as to whether an "invite only" social-issues forum would be helpful because it keeps out spammers, or harmful because it can leave out people who want to be part of the community but are having trouble succeeding or finding someone who can invite them in.

Veganism is hard, even if you understand all the humanitarian and nutritional reasons to quit. Animal products are DEEPLY ingrained in our culture, but it is not as difficult to quit as one would think.

 My next entry will probably expand upon veganism. I've pulled a lot of passages from The China Study by T. Colin Campbell PhD and Thomas M. Campbell II, MD backing up the nutritional argument for veganism. I'll just turn it into a series because there are a LOT of medical reasons to drop animal products. I am an ethical vegan too. Actually, I am an ethical vegan first and foremost. But I'll get into that later. I don't want to alienate anyone from the blog, and I'll post disclaimers up before sharing any particularly disturbing ethical reasons to be vegan.

 Hoping to hear feedback. Bean me up, Scottie.

Bean out.